


Birthday Sex

by Current521



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Birthday, F/M, Little quick thing, ted is a good man ok, tw spousal abuse, tw violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22183858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current521/pseuds/Current521
Summary: It's Charlotte's birthday. From Sam, she gets accusations. From Ted she gets... Something better.
Relationships: Charlotte/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Birthday Sex

It was Charlotte’s birthday, so she’d invited everyone from the office over for lunch, plus a few other friends. Ted, Paul, and Melissa were all there, as was a single other friend of hers, and of course her husband, Sam.

Ted knew Sam well enough. He’d met him at Charlotte’s birthday the year before, too, but he mostly knew him from the marks he left on Charlotte, and not the good kind. Which meant that, even though Ted knew he was technically in the wrong, he hated Sam from a good heart. An okay heart. A heart.

Everyone but Sam were seated at the table, and Charlotte was smiling and being a hostess. Ted recognised how stiff her smile seemed, though, and knew she was worried.

“I’ll just go check on Sam.” She smiled and went to the kitchen.

It didn’t take many seconds for Sam to start yelling; they could hear him clearly, even with the door closed. Insults and accusations, most exaggerated, some true.

The four guests looked at each other, uncomfortable. “Should we do anything?” Melissa whispered.

Charlotte’s friend — Heather? Maybe — shook her head. “It’s best if we leave him.”   
“Fuck that.” Ted got up and walked to the kitchen. He knocked and opened the door without waiting for a reply. “Sorry, I just wanted to ask where the bathroom is?” He smiled.

“Don’t you know by now?” Sam’s tone was malicious. “Haven’t you been here enough?”   
Ted stepped properly into the kitchen and closed the door. “I haven’t been here since Charlotte’s birthday last year.” He was being cautious; he didn’t know Sam well, but he’d seen how he could bruise up Charlotte, and she didn’t bruise easy.

“Aha.” Sam looked at Charlotte, then back at Ted. “So it’s not your used condoms I found in the bathroom trash last week? Not your cologne she smells like when she comes home late?” He pointed at Charlotte, but he was stepping closer to Ted. “It’s not you who’s a fucking homewrecker, is it?”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m certainly not the one beating my wife bloody.” Probably not a smart move, Ted realised, but he was getting angry. “But then again, I’m not married.”

“You better shut that smart mouth before I shut it for you.” Sam took another step towards Ted.

That put Charlotte into action. “Sam, wait.” She put a hand on his arm. “It’s… Yes, I’ve been sleeping with Ted, okay, I already told you, we already… But I’m not the only one.” She moved away from Sam and went to stand next to Ted. “You’ve been cheating too. And I, I won’t pretend like I don’t know. And Ted’s right, you’ve hit me too.” She was shaking.

“Look, Sam, listen to me for a moment.” Ted put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “There are three people next door who have nothing to do with this. Let’s go have lunch like civilised people. I’ll stick around, and you can beat the shit out of me if you want to, alright?”

To Ted’s surprise, Sam nodded. “Alright.” He went back to the living room. “Are you coming?”   
“Yeah.” Ted gave Charlotte’s hand a quick squeeze, then held the door for her to go into the living room.

Lunch passed surprisingly smoothly. Ted kept expecting someone to ask, or Sam to make some sarcastic remark, or himself to do it, but they remained perfectly pleasant.

The moment Melissa left, as the last person, Sam looked at Ted. “Why have you been fucking my wife?”

Ted shrugged. “She’s right there. Why don’t you ask her?” And yes, okay, Ted was half a step in front of Charlotte, shielding her, and he should probably leave her out of it, but there was no leaving her out of it.

“Sam, I… You know why.” Charlotte wasn’t looking at either of them.

“Look at me!” Sam yelled and reached for her, but Ted blocked his arm.

“None of that. Don’t hit her.” Ted smiled coldly. “You’re done hitting her, alright? If you must be violent, hit me, but let’s try to be adults and use our words, yeah?”

Sam yanked his arm back; it would’ve hurt if Ted hadn’t let go, and he suspected that had been the intention. “Whatever.” Sam rolled his eyes. “What’s there to talk about? She’s cheating on me! With you!”   
“Correct.” Ted nodded. “And let’s just reiterate; you’re cheating on her with a woman who’s like, what, 20? At least I’m almost 30. More importantly, you’re a violent bastard who leaves bruises strong enough that I’ve considered taking her to the ER. So really, if this is a ‘worst spouse’ award, I think you take the cake, buddy.”

Charlotte giggled. Of all the things she could do, she giggled, then immediately clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle it.

“I’m leaving.” Sam grabbed his jacket. “I might be back in the morning.” He left without another word.

Ted shrugged. “That went significantly better than expected, I was half thinking he’d kill me.”

“Don’t say that.” Charlotte laughed. “But yeah, I thought he’d hit you. I’m happy he didn’t.”   
“Me too.” Ted gave her a hug. “You know, it’s your birthday, and if that bastard isn’t coming back until the morning… I think you deserve birthday sex.”   
Charlotte sighed. “How are you always horny?” Then she got on her toes to kiss him. “But you’re right, I think I do.”   
That was all the prompting Ted needed to carry her to the bedroom.


End file.
